I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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