My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
