Whod you bang
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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