how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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