You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
