is your mom at the bar?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
