I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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