In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
