do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize