Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think I won the penis lottery.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
