Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
