I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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