Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
