Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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