That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
