it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dick very happy bro
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
