grandma shit on top of the toilet
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
