I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
