her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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