My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize