absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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