Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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