So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
