I just saw a hot homeless man
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
this boner is exhausting
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
