what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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