I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
