I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
