Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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