a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
