When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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