Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
