i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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