So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize