if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Randomize
