thus making me awesome and them whores
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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