They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
