OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
