So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
