Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
