you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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