Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
