Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
