ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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