the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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