I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
