I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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