More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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