when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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