I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
babies were throwing up all over the place
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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