So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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