If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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