im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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