This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
