I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
