North Korea, Best Korea!
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
