just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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