I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
