so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
