:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
