I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
