we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
