I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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