Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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