I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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